Round 3.
It’s hard to imagine that 6 months ago I was warning Dylan not to fall in love with me again because I wouldn’t do the same. I just wanted to be friends and was happy with where we were.
Then his charm got to me. The way he looked at me, made me feel so special, and his promises of treating me better than anyone could. I fell in love again.
Now I’m the fragile one hoping he’ll give me another chance.
Oh, what a smile can do to me.
I want to feel special and important.
And you don’t do that.
The Verge of Anorexia.
I’m scared. I don’t want to become anorexic. It’s just that I don’t get hungry much anymore, and if I do nothing sounds appetizing.
Today I ate:
- Half a bag of popcorn.
- Piece of bread with jelly.
- Piece of bread dry.
- One oreo.
What really freaks me out, though, is how I see myself. I weighed myself yesterday for the first time in months and I only weigh 97 pounds. I don’t feel like 97 pounds. When I look in the mirror, I see myself forever at 118, no matter how much space is between my thighs.
I’m scared that no matter how much weight I lose, I’ll never actually see myself as that thin and just run myself into what I never said I’d become.
I’m addicted to being skinny.
I just offered myself up for sex.
My ex doesn’t even have to try. I’m the one inviting him over.
How pathetic is that?
Sometimes, we expect more from others because we would be willing to do that much for them.
I don’t know what to do. Followers, I need help.
I don’t think I make my boyfriend happy anymore. We’ve been best friends for 3 years and no one knows me better than him.
Sometimes we have really great times that give me hope that we can make it. But other times, like tonight, I just can’t seem to do anything right and it feels like I annoy him almost.
I just don’t know if I’m overreacting. I don’t want to lose him, but I want him to be happy more than anything.
And I don’t know if I do that anymore.
Someone, help me.
Day 50: why you are doing this challenge.
I just want to see how much I change throughout one year, and then I’ll be forced too keep my tumblr during college since I was thinking of deleting it.
I hope someday you’ll realize how good I am to you.
Even when I wanted to be spiteful, even when I wanted to get even, I always treated you with love.
Please don’t make me waste my time.
I only need one man at a time.
And right now, that man is Dylan. I’m sorry, I can’t be in your life anymore.
Day 18: Why you made your blog, why you still have it.
I made my blog to express myself. I posted everything that I thought was funny or applicable to my life at that time.
Although it’s a huge distraction, I need it at times to rant.
